I had a conversation with Ms. Blogger earlier today. Not long into the conversation, I discovered that she did not know how to swim but there were several photographs of her taken at the beach. I was mistaken because her photographs would have fooled anyone to think that she knows how to swim.
She was dressed in full swimming gear, bikini top and bottom and even her torso showed a trim and muscularly firm body that come with good swimmers.
Anwyays, so here it is. An eight “chapter” tutorial that I recommended to her.
Me: DO YOU THRUST ME?
Ms. Blogger: yeah, i trust you. lol
Me: thrust NOT trust laaaa
Ms. Blogger: ok… thrust is it!
Me: when you swim you have to thrust alot
rule no.1 – NEVER PANIC WHEN YOU ARE IN THE WATER AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO DROWN.
rule no.2 – BLAME YOURSELF FOR BEING TO LAZY TO LEARN TO SWIM BUT KEPT LAZING ON THE BEACH SHOWING OFF YOUR HALF BARE BODY FOR MEN TO OGGLE AT.
rule no.3 – THEN FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU SHOULD DO TO SAVE YOUR POOR SOUL FROM DROWNING.
rule no.4 – DONT SHOUT FOR HELP BECAUSE YOU WILL ONLY SINK DEEPER. AND FINALLY NO ONE WILL HEAR YOU.
rule no.5 – TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LIE FLAT ON YOUR BACK AND KEEP FLOATING IN THE WATER. USE YOUR TWO HANDS TO BALANCE YOUR BODY SO THAT YOUR HEAVY BOOBS DONT TURN YOUR BODY OVER GRAVITATIONALLY AND YOUR FACE IS FACING DOWNWARD INTO THE WATER. COS THAT WAY YOU CANT BREATHE.
rule no. 6 – WHEN YOU NEED TO BREATHE IN AGAIN, DO IT FAST AND HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR A SECOND TIME AND KEEP YOUR BODY FLOATING. REPEAT UNTIL HELP ARRIVES.
rule no.7 – WHEN YOU SEE HELP COMING DONT GET EXCITED AND FORGET RULES NO 5 AND 6. THEY MIGHT NOT REACH YOU IN TIME AND YOU WOULD STILL DROWN.
rule no.8 – WHEN THE FIRST HELPER REACHES HIS HAND TO GET YOU, DONT GRAB HIS HAND AND PULL HIM INTO THE WATER BECAUSE YOU MAY HAVE ENDED THE ONLY HELP AROUND AND YOU MAY PULL HIM WITH YOU UNDER THE WATER. THEN WE HAVE TWO DROWNING CASES AND NOT ONE.
Ms. Blogger: you know what? this is like a deja vu! i almost drowned when i was in high school. i grabbed the one who was trying to save me!
